Published on October 15th, 2012 | by Vikram Srikumar0
I’ve heard people say that we live life in a constant search of answers. These are answers to questions that perplex us, who are we? Why are we here? I have come to an alternate conclusion however, after my short years on this Earth, that we live life not in search of answers, but in search of questions. We know most of the answers about ourselves, but we don’t know the questions, we are the lock, searching for the key to open our true potential.
I too once was a wondering lock, not having a clue as to what I wanted to do with my life. I saw all my friends around me, talking of big plans, going into design, architecture, medicine, they had all seemed to find their true calling, but I seemed to be unable to hear my calling, as if it were some song playing on the neighbour’s radio you swear you know, but can’t seem to place. I was sure I was an answer to a question, I wasn’t sure however if anyone was asking it.
It was then that I truly reached a phase of my life where my interest in computers peaked, and I began reading about the men and women who started it all, I began reading about Steve.
It would be selfish and shortsighted to say I was the only one influenced by Steve Jobs, but as far as I could tell, no one around me seemed to appreciate his ideals and passion quite like I did, I read up all about him and his work, as I did that of those around him. It was a part of my life where I began to find depth, I was beginning to find my life’s calling, the static was reducing and that song on the radio was becoming clearer.
I had then realised what I wanted to do with my life, I wanted to change the world.
Unfortunately a couple of years later, Steve passed away, and today I still grieve for him, he was my idol in every sense, this was a man who inspired me in ways few understand, and he was no more. Maybe it was because in my head I made him out to be almost immortal, but alas our mortality always catches up with us.
Three days after Steve passed away, I was still glum, and I needed closure, so I wrote a letter directed towards Steve, and I put everything he was to me in it. I believe this is the best representation of his influence on my life. It is as follows.
I never got to meet you, now I guess I never will. I just wanted to let you know how much you changed who I am. I’m not very religious, don’t believe in the afterlife, I don’t know how I can expect you to read this, I guess I like to think little bits of you are left behind in all of us. For me, that’s enough.
I’m not really anybody important, I’m a student, I enjoy my classes, I guess I’m a decent speaker, then again I wouldn’t dare tell you that, it’d be like showing a fish how long I can hold my breath under water.
I grew up in a pretty normal family, nothing really stands out, my father’s an executive, besides you his life inspired me greatly. My mother is a teacher by profession, spirit and philosophy, she’s been a principal for many years now. She’s always been there, always fun, the coolest mom you could have. My brother’s fun, he used to be a very annoying prick, as all older brothers are I suppose, but he’s been great of late, you’d like him.
I’m in my senior year of High School as I write this, I’m planning on going to school for computer science next year. Maybe do a minor in design, I love art and colours, it’s like you said, do what you do, you can’t connect the dots of your life now, no you can only do that looking back. You always were smart Steve. You probably get that a lot.
I was a bit confused a few years ago, as to what I wanted to do with my life, I wanted to do what I love. The problem was I had no Idea what that meant.
One night, I sat up real late, mom had locked up the computer so I’d study for my term exams, she didn’t know the iPod had WiFi (Thanks for that by the way Steve, came in handy more times than you can imagine!) So there I was in the darkness, reading live blogs that kept posting what you were saying, I think you were announcing the iPhone 3GS. After it was all over, I locked the iPod, to get that familiar and comforting ‘click’ sound you’ve made us all so accustomed to hearing. I sat in the dark, staring at the wall opposite, and I had it, I wanted to do what you do, whatever that was.
I’ve always been into computers and technology, one of the greatest days of my life was when dad brought home a computer running windows 95 (Sorry about that!) You should probably know I’m from India, born and raised, we got computers a lot after you guys did, which really does tick me off, but hey, this isn’t the time or place.
I used that thing to do everything, beyond games I learnt how to use office, play around with all kinds of settings, learn a bit of DOS and other nonsense like that. It was a constantly exhilarating time. Later on, in school I learnt a bit of animation, programming and other talents I use now in the pursuit of excellence that I enter with your tenants as my guide.
It is with a very heavy heart that I must accept you are truly no more. I hate that I’ll never get to meet you, as I always dreamed I would. My friends will probably make fun of how I’m getting emotional like this, I’m pretty much a rock on normal occasion. It’s pretty strange too considering you don’t know me, but I guess I’m just one of an entire group of individuals you’ve inspired and touched. A group that transcends generations, cultures, languages and lines on the map. I don’t know how to say good bye to you Steve, but I do know how to say thank you. So thank you big guy, thank you for being there when I most needed it, thank you for being there without even knowing it and thank you for being a huge part of who I am.
It’s been grand.
Vikram Krishna Srikumar
-Sent from my heart.